News - Worrying Heists

[corragh]

Viewers would have to wait to find out who Maury revealed to be the baby daddy; right now, it was Peter Mansbridge's time. The eager anchor appeared on screen, his set in a practiced, serious expression. "We interrupt this airing of Maury to bring you news," he replied, his hair helmet not moving an inch. "We have recently learned that, late last evening, a series of thefts took place, all several miles apart, but all somehow connected. Two of them took place in Boston, where a pair of banks were robbed of their reserves, continuing the rash of heists that began in late December of last year. More concerning, however, is that a pair of US Army bases were broken into at the same time, leading us to believe last night's thefts were related. We have confirmed that the bases - the Natick R&D Center, and the Materials & Mechanichal Research Station - were victims to identical styles of robbery. We go now to report Tosh Hunderfunk, live at the Natick base. Tosh."

The scene cuts to a very British report, standing next to a news van, with a military base in the distance behind him. "Thank you, Peter," he began after a short delay. "I'm here at the Natick R&D Center, but as you can see, the base itself is quite a distance behind me," he stated obvious, turning to motion back at the base, with armed guard staring back almost intently. "We were told that, given the sensitive nature of what was taken, we would be given no details. And it's likely there will be no press release given. All we've been able to discern, is that there was definitely mutant or metahuman involvement." Tosh's expression would have been right at home with the anti-mutant crowd. "From the information we gathered at the thefts in Boston, we've determined that all of last night's robberies were made by the same individual or group. What they were after that these bases remains unclear, but adding in the amount of money stolen, they're sure to be able to afford whatever dastardly deeds they devise."

"This has been Tosh Hunderfunk, live in Natick." Back to Peter in the newsroom, who is staring with a complete lack of interest at the papers in front of him. He shuffles them slightly, pats at his hair, and only then realizes he's back on camera. "Thank you, Tosh. A strange, worrying situation, indeed." Peter clears the embarrassment from his voice with a cough. "We'll continue covering this story as it unfolds. We now return you to the previously scheduled program."

The TV returns to the scene of a woman, sprawled out on the floor, weeping uncontrollable alligator tears, while two men dance about on stage, high-fiving every so often, and the crowd booing and shouting. The caption on screen: Neither man is the father!