The Tragedy of the Salvation Corps

[Devilpants]

"You haven't heard of them? Ohhh, you're in for a treat, this shit is hilarious." Sofia was in the cafeteria, on the phone while her two oversized slices of pizza and cup of coffee cooled on her table. "So, back in... I wanna say 2011 or so, some general in the US army got high on his own farts and decided that they wouldn't rely on us hunters anymore, and tried to put together a unit to deal with supernatural threats." She paused and listened.

"Yeah, they went through a few names, like Beta-Psi, Revelation Suppression Corps, and Salvation Corps. Embarrassing, right? Lil fuckin'... crucifixes stitched onto their BDUs. Now, army meatheads being army meatheads and generals being out-of-touch cold warriors who can literally only comprehend war in the context of conventional land battles, these guys were completely unprepared to fight night creatures. They went in with standard-issue this, standard-issue that -- no holy water, no artifacts, no prayer seals, not an ounce of sorcery. They tried to use rifles and grenades and conventional tactics to fight... y'know... demons. And vampires. And werewolves. And undead." Sofia sipped her coffee, and stifled a laugh. "Yeah! Yeah, not even any silver bullets, no prayer beads, no sacred salt, no nothin'. Worked out how you'd expect." There was another pause as Sofia listened.

"Oh, it got dissolved in late 2013 after they kept embarrassing themselves. Half of the unit ended up dead or possessed, and the other half got discharged with the worst PTSD you can imagine. The army was just sending lambs to the slaughter -- there was no research done at all, no adjustment of tactics, no use of proper tools, just... shoot at it until it dies." Sofia went to take a bite of pizza, but stopped to listen before replying again.

"Oh, the hunter community was supportive at first because we naively and stupidly thought they'd come to us for training and advice, but nope, they just... demanded access to our information network to identify trouble spots, and we obliged, and then one day they stopped talking to us. Found out the unit was disbanded because it was a total fuckin' disaster. That's what Lew was laughing about the other day. Wild story, right?" Sofia attempted another bite of pizza, but was again interrupted. "Yeah, that's all taken care of. Listen, I'm starving and you know how scrawny I am, so lemme fuckin' eat. I'll talk to you later, okay? Yeah, bye." Sofia chowed down on delicious pizza. Pepperoni, roast red pepper, and sundried tomato, fuck yeah.